Get to know your patterns of procrastination (avoidance) at work

So many people want help with stopping procrastination and for excellent reasons!

It is a time, energy and life suck. It creates stress and can lose you time, money, health and even jobs.

Here's how you can start to understand your patterns of procrastination so you can move away from this self-sabotage.

Firstly, notice exactly what you are avoiding.

For example: I don't want to write this report.

I'm procrastinating by watching YouTube, going out for a coffee, cleaning my inbox, doing household organising and eating a packet of Tim Tams.

Now you need to know that this is normal behaviour.

All brains want to avoid boredom (discomfort) or something hard (again, discomfort) and go towards pleasure (food, fun, ticking easy things off the list).

Find out what you are thinking about the writing the report.

Why you don't you want to do it?

* Do you think it will take too long or be too hard?

* Do you think you don't know how to do it?

* Perhaps you think you have plenty of time and can do it later?

* Do you worry about the criticism or feedback it might attract?

In the end, all you are avoiding is a bit of discomfort.

You can manage discomfort with some soothing words to yourself and some patience.

Bringing your mind back to the task, letting yourself know that you can do it, that it will feel wonderful to have it done.

Procrastination becomes quite obviously an issue of fearful or unhelpful thoughts creating uncomfortable feelings.

We can create more useful, supportive thoughts to create more calming and confident feelings.

Then we get our work done!

Big love,

Lara xx

Lara Corr, PhD Pronouns She/Her
Set Me Free Coaching
Get ready to love your work!
lara@setmefree.coach

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, a certified life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I help women love their work, reach their goals and get free from the work-life stress cycle.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Parental burnout versus professional burnout

I've been lucky to start to know a behavioural researcher who is focusing on 'mom burnout' (Dr Jacqueline Kerr - she has a great podcast 'Overcoming working mom burnout').

She let me know that there are two awesome Belgian researchers who have been studying parental burnout since the 1980s (Isabelle Roskam and Moïra Mikolajczak).

It's good to know the difference between parental burnout and professional burnout - because you may be blaming work for your burnout when it is parenting or vice versa.

You need to know where your biggest stress is coming from.

Parental burnout is "an exhaustion syndrome, characterised by feeling physically and mentally overwhelmed” by parenting.

In contrast, professional burnout is "a prolonged response to chronic interpersonal stressors on the job. The three key dimensions of this response are an overwhelming exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and detachment from the job, and a sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment" (Maslach & Leiter, 2016).

So both parental and professional burnout are about exhaustion, but the root cause of the chronic stress arises from different places - parenting (unpaid work!) or working (paid work).

It makes me wonder about what happens when the stressors come from both areas of life spilling into each other and it brings me back to the need to:

* really listen to our bodies

* get help when we need it

* understand what causes burnout and how to prevent and recover from it

We need space and time to deal with burnout and to prevent it too.

The short term effort in help seeking that seems so enormous is essential to preventing burnout.

For those, like myself, that have experienced burnout, you'd know that it takes quite a while to recover and reset and help is needed for that part too.

Have you experienced burnout or do you feel like you might be on the cusp?

Big love,

Lara xx

Lara Corr, PhD Pronouns She/Her
Set Me Free Coaching
Get ready to love your work!
lara@setmefree.coach

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, a certified life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I help women love their work, reach their goals and get free from the work-life stress cycle.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

How to feel worthy of your dream job.

You might know what you'd love to do or maybe you're already doing it... but do you feel worthy of your dream job?

It's not enough just to see a few #ladyboss posts on instagram or read some inspirational autobiography.

Feeling worthy a.k.a. feeling good enough is a combination of a few things.

You can build feeling worthy by doing these two things.

Collecting evidence for all the reasons you can do the job well from any or all parts of your life.

Everything you do, you could choose to see how it could benefit how you'd work in your dream job.

Chatting to friends - 'Ha, look at how well I can nourish long term relationships - this will/is so useful in my dream job'.

Organising family schedules 'Ooh look at me, working with so many stakeholders and being such a brilliant project manager'.

Those are some non-work examples and you can look at literally everything you do at work and use it as a chance to build belief in your worthiness.

Remember that 'worthiness' is a thought not a fact.

There is no objective measure of worthiness.

No one person could be considered by everyone to be worthy of a position.

Think about politicians and CEOs.

There is no consensus on worthiness. 

Feeling worthy of your dream job is primarily about the thoughts you think about yourself.

We might say 'I don't feel worthy' but worthiness is not a feeling.

I don't feel worthy is actually a thought masquerading as a feeling.

So notice your thoughts and ask if they are serving you, that is, are they getting you the outcome you want?

If they aren't, how about choosing thoughts that are more useful such as 'I could do my dream job, I don't need to be perfect at it - perfection doesn't exist'

or 'I know that I can find a way to solve any problems that come up on the way to getting my dream job AND when I'm in the job.

Choose to uplift yourself because that is the path to feeling good and acting in ways that serve you (they flow from each other).

You are worthy because you exist (this is my useful thought). 

As Brene Brown says, there's no need to 'hustle for worthiness'.

Collect evidence, support yourself in your thoughts and go get em, tiger!

Big love,

Lara xx

Lara Corr, PhD Pronouns She/Her
Set Me Free Coaching
Get ready to love your work!
lara@setmefree.coach

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, a certified life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I help women love their work, reach their goals and get free from the work-life stress cycle.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Work and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

TW: Pregnancy and Infant loss

As we get older, we realise that life doesn't always go to plan, no matter how kind, good or loving we are.

Nothing could be more true than when a child is lost during pregnancy or in infancy.

It's just not fair and can be utterly devastating.

Miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, SIDS and the death of a newborn can impact on every aspect of a woman's life.

Everyone will respond differently, from wanting to talk about their loss and grieve openly and often, to not wanting to discuss it at all, as if it never happened.

There is no 'right' way to respond to pregnancy or infant loss for the woman or her partner experiencing it.

Together with input from a particularly wise and generous friend with personal experience (thank you, Lara Ferris) I have put together some ways for women affected and also for workplaces/colleagues.

For women working after pregnancy or infant loss:

• Listen to your body about when you return to work. Go at the pace you need to.

• Think about how you would like to be treated and communicate it before you get to work (if possible). Would you like people to be able to say sorry or to not mention your loss?

• Your 'firsts' might be hard, like the first time you return to work when you are no longer pregnant but also don't have a baby.

• Be gentle with your body, which may continue to behave as if it's carrying a baby or needs to feed or hold a baby.

• Do not feel as though you have to attend baby showers or listen to stories about people's children - have an 'exit' sentence that you can use to excuse yourself and hold that boundary. It is totally okay!

• Anticipate that people will often say the wrong thing...or nothing.

• Learn to tell your story the way you need it to be told.

• Ask for all the support you can and take space for grief.

For colleagues, managers and staff members:

• Give your condolences. Don't try to look for OR share a 'silver lining'.

• Ask the woman in question if she would like to talk (if this is appropriate to your relationship) or if she would prefer to carry on without mentioning her loss or experience. Ask her what would help.

• Recognise that the 'firsts' will be difficult, like the first time your colleague or staff member returns to work after their loss, having previously been pregnant.

• Invite people to baby showers and leaving lunches etc but don't keep inviting them, you don't know anyone's story.

• Remember that grief has its own rhythm and nature. Be kind.

• It doesn't mean that she isn't committed to her work or love her career - losing a pregnancy or infant is something that takes time to come to terms with.

• Know that women who have a stillborn child are entitled to maternity leave. They are mothers who have lost a child and need time to grieve and recover.

• Read the room: not everyone wants to hear about your pregnancy, labour, baby or child/ren.

I'm sure there is more to say but I hope this does some justice to such an important day and to such a life-changing experience for many women.

This post is dedicated to Teddie and Evelyn and the beyond wonderful women that carried, love and birthed them.

All my love,

Lara xx

Lara Corr, PhD Pronouns She/Her
Set Me Free Coaching
Get ready to love your work!
lara@setmefree.coach

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, a certified life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I help women love their work, reach their goals and get free from the work-life stress cycle.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Have you heard of the River of Misery?

Have you heard of the River of Misery?

I don't know who coined the phrase, but I learned it from Stacey Boehman and I take it to mean time when you are really upset, *stuck*, feeling all the feelings and thinking all the thoughts.

We all know that place because we've all been there!

We believe every mean thought our inner critic churns out and can't see how to work with our challenges and get out.

It is painful.

One of the most joyous parts of my work is seeing my beautiful clients learn to:

1) realise they are in the river of misery and can get out

2) hop out of the river, all shiny and relieved during Smash It! coaching time

3) make their way out of the river solo

Each of these things makes me celebrate them so much!!! They aren't being fooled by the usual sh*t that their brains are spinning.

They don't stay stuck.

They don't stay in the suffering.

Their self-concept isn't injured, it's strengthened.

They make decisions, solve problems and process feelings.

They are empowered to manage their experience here on Earth.

This is just one way your work-life is totally overhauled when you learn to work with your brain effectively and with compassion.

So do be extra gentle with yourself when you are next in the River of Misery AND let yourself know that you don't have to stay in it.

Working together in Smash It! you'd have live coaching available twice a week in our beautiful group and can contact me for coaching via our Facebook community 24/7.

There's a special offer til 30th October - if you join Smash It! and pay in full, you'll get 3 free private sessions with me (1 hour each). What a way to kick things off and end 2021!

Book a consult here: https://setmefree.as.me/consult

Take up the special offer here: https://smashit.mykajabi.com/offers/kaGBw4fz

Big big love,

Lara xx

Lara Corr, PhD Pronouns She/Her
Set Me Free Coaching
Get ready to love your work!
lara@setmefree.coach

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, a certified life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I help women love their work, reach their goals and get free from the work-life stress cycle.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Why is it so hard to believe good things about yourself?

In all likelihood, there is evidence all around you that you are great! That you are good at your work, a good friend and lovely person in general.

BUT these thoughts don't feel true to you.

It might be that you feel like you can always do more, so you think you aren't good enough.

Maybe you think that if you believe the evidence that you're actually doing just fine that you'll drop your standards and things will go pear shaped for you.

It can have a lot to do with how we are socialised as women and also how you were brought up the messages you got.

It's also the normal wiring of our brains.

We remember easily what we have done wrong or where we fell short - either short of basic or our super high standards.

You have to actually celebrate/concentrate on when good things happen so that they 'stick' in your mind.

So instead of collecting evidence about all your minor weaknesses or failings, how about you make a clear decision to focus on what you are doing right?

Notice what works well, the things you can do, the ways you are valuable and wonderful.

It's safe to collect evidence that you are enough, that you are wonderful.

It wont make you worse at anything, it wont make you lazy or arrogant.

It will just make you happier, more relaxed and able to use the more sophisticated part of your brain more often!

It's all wins!

Big big love,

Lara xx

Lara Corr, PhD Pronouns She/Her
Set Me Free Coaching
Get ready to love your work!
lara@setmefree.coach

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, a certified life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I help women love their work, reach their goals and get free from the work-life stress cycle.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

What if you never feel like it?

We so often wait to 'feel like' it before we do something, don't we?

You might wait to feel like doing the application, preparing for the interview, writing the report, ringing the client, having the conversation or messaging back...

But what if you never relied on feeling like it?

Give yourself a split second to imagine just doing the things that need doing, without having to feel up to it.

All that stress of avoidance melting away.

It makes me deeply exhale.

Instead, what if you looked at it like this...

• It's okay if this is hard, I am doing it.

• It's okay if this is feels boring or tedious, I'm doing it.

• It's okay if I'm anxious about this, I'm doing it.

• If we don't make ourselves *need* to feel great to do something, it changes our whole day at work.

Can you let it be okay to have negative thoughts about what you're doing and still do it?

Can you soothe yourself and carry on?

What could you finish off or start today that's been hanging over you?

Please give yourself that gift today.

It's in your hands.

Big love,

Lara xx

P.S. When you’re ready, you can join Smash It! learn how to manage your experience of work - your mind, your body and emotions. It seems like magic but it’s just science in action.


Lara Corr, PhD Pronouns She/Her
Set Me Free Coaching
Get ready to love your work!
lara@setmefree.coach

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, a certified life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I help women love their work, reach their goals and get free from the work-life stress cycle.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

An easy mistake that you might be making at work (and how to avoid it!).

Whether you want your work-life to be better because it is dragging you down or simply because you love to tweak and shine, there is a mistake that you may be making.

It is so easy - too easy - to start looking at more than one thing to improve at a time... with horrible results.

Let me give you an example of what happens...

Say you'd like to improve your organisation at work.

Your mind scans everything to see all the things that could benefit from organisation.

It sees your desk and puts it on the list, then it keeps scanning and adds...
* organising your inbox
* cleaning out all your draws
* colour coding your schedule
* actually, best organise your schedule better too
* then... oh the whole of my computer drive needs better organising
* ooh and your work wardrobe.
the list goes on, as is appropriate to your work type.

At this point the list feels overwhelming. Your mind starts to tell you that you can't do all that and that you'll never get organised, or have a better work-life.

Then, the pièce de résistance is the critical part of your brain chiming in with the moral failure of disorganisation.

"What kind of a person is disorganised", "How pathetic", "How embarrassing, why can't you be like such and such...".

Whatever upsetting hook it can get in to make you feel awful will be employed (it thinks it's helping).

In the end, your lovely intention of 'getting organised' has become brain warfare and you are left overwhelmed, hopeless and less likely to try for another goal.

Everyone really has to know my version of The Art of War* - mind management!

It makes everything so simple and clear.

The blessed relief of wanting to do something and getting to do it... ahhhh

One of the first steps is simply to choose ONE small thing at a time. Boring, eh? But satisfying to complete!

Join Smash It! to find out the rest and to start doing what you want to do!

Big love,

Lara xx

*Please note, I have never read The Art of War :)

Lara Corr, PhD Pronouns She/Her
Set Me Free Coaching
Get ready to love your work!
lara@setmefree.coach

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, a certified life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I help women love their work, reach their goals and get free from the work-life stress cycle.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Dealing with overwhelm at work.

Today, let's talk about overwhelm and then how to sort it out!

Yuck. God, I absolutely hate feeling overwhelmed. I felt struck by it yesterday when I saw how many things were on my to-do list for the day (my response was to want to eat all the chocolate cake left in the fridge).

I felt overwhelmed even thought I was excited to do most of them or at least I would know I would be relieved and have the dopamine hit of something to tick off my list ;)

For you, it could be your to-do list or opening your email inbox. Maybe it is a big project ahead of you or what feels like a million smaller projects to complete.

It might be the mix of home and work needs that makes you feel overwhelmed.

You'd know the feeling - tight chest, shallow breathing, brain fog/shut down and a bit of adrenaline with the anxiety. You end up procrastinating, buffering with food, shopping, complaining, the internet etc.

As I said in my post yesterday on emotions, we all feel a range of emotions each day, no matter our life circumstances. I also said that all emotions are appropriate given our thoughts (and other things, like neurotransmitter levels etc).

Here in lies the opportunity to change overwhelm to calm, secure and confident - our thoughts.

Stick with me here. It's not about affirmations.

It's about uncovering what your automatic or unconscious thinking was that made you feel overwhelmed.

Here are some thoughts that may have lead to the overwhelmed feeling...

I don't have enough time.
There is too much to do.
I don't know what do to first.
I'll never get all this done.

It's the thoughts about the tasks/situations that create the feelings.

Another person may open their email and just think 'okay, what's on today, I'll just go through these one at a time' and not feel overwhelmed.

Feeling overwhelm is not compulsory, it's just a thought habit.

We can choose thoughts that make us feel calmer and more in control.

That means you will do better quality work, because the parts of your brain being used is creative, logical, organised and good with planning and executing, instead of fight, flight, freeze or fawn. 

So how about finding a thought that gets you the feelings (and results) you want in a potentially overwhelming situation?

Something like - I do can do a lot of this easily and it will take less time than I imagine.
or - Things I find hard I will do tiny bit by tiny bit and ask for help when I need it.
or - I am great at this sh*t, my day will be so satisfying.

Your thoughts aren't facts, or objective. They are your opinion. You can change your thoughts when it serves you to live a more peaceful, happy and satisfying work life. 

When you learn to manage your mind, even a little, the results are striking. It's the most important professional and personal development you'll ever do.

Soon you'll be able to do it in Smash It!

In the meantime, find a thought and notice how it makes you feel, then change it to feel even better.

Big love,

Lara xx

Upset, frustrated or stressed at work? You MUST hear this.

I can’t tell you what a rollercoaster most days were for me for much of my life.

I regularly got whiplash from the speed in which I could go from happy to upset, fine to stressed-out or even sad to delighted.

It was tiring and unpredictable.

I felt wired and ‘too sensitive’.

Sure, I could carefully manage how I presented at work (some people remarked on me being laid back and it still makes me cackle - I never corrected them), but internally it was rocky. It left me strung out and with little left at the end of the day or week to really enjoy life to the fullest.

Even if you aren’t as changeable in mood as I was in my pre-coaching life, it’s likely that your mood is dictated by people, places and happenings around you, as well as your inner critic*.

It’s tempting to believe that there is nothing we can do except find the perfect, stress-free job with amazing colleagues and superiors who are always supportive, in a good mood and up for a giggle (or to just become perfect ourselves).

But this daydream is not possible.

What we can find are great places to work and great work that still presses our buttons, be it because we feel like a fraud, or overwhelmed, or simply very self-critical.

So here’s where you start to even out your mood and take control of your day and your energy levels.

It’s simple and life-changing.

Your thoughts are not facts.

Your thoughts are not facts.

Your thoughts are not facts.

They may be flat out lies, they may be half-truths, they may FEEL true but just be your own harsh view.

Whatever they are, the first step to changing your work-life to be amazing is to notice your thoughts and ask not only ‘Is it true?’ but ‘Is it useful?’

If your thoughts about your outfit, your performance, your colleagues or your career aren’t getting you the results you want in your life e.g. feeling great, productive, energised and so on… it might be time for you to learn how to managed your mind.

Stay tuned, more about this next week.

For now, notice or ‘eavesdrop’ on your thoughts and ask - Is this useful in my life?

Big love,
Lara xx

*Your inner critic is the voice in your head that tells you all the reasons you’re not enough and how much better life would be if you were different.

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.