How to be mindful when you're online.

I've written before about aiming to go online for a purpose – for fun, to learn something, or to buy something etc. – and when that purpose has been achieved, to turn it off. 

But what about when you find yourself online for no particular reason?

This is where mindfulness comes in. Yep, I'm talking mindful internet use!

Before you roll your eyes and stop reading, here are some reasons you might like to consider it.

Being mindful online:

Will help you get more out of your time online...

Improve your concentration span, increase connection to content....

Clear away some the online habits you don't actually want...

AND help you to read and act on the signals that you've had enough!

With all those bonuses in mind, here are a few ways to be mindful when online:

• Ditch the automatic scroll. Look at every Facebook post, every Instagram photo, whatever. Take. Your. Time. Read the content. At this point you may realise that you don't like some of the pages or people whose content you see every day – unfollow them.
• Consciously notice five new things on the screen. This is my favourite mindfulness trick in general, that you can apply everywhere and to everything. It's easy and it works.
• If you start reading something, read the whole thing and take in every word. Try to remember three interesting or useful things about it that you could share with someone later.
• Respond to articles, photos or posts to contribute to communities and connect with others.
• Check in with your body – is your time online making you feel happy, productive, or reducing anxiety or frustration, are you avoiding boredom? Does your chest feel tense or relaxed?
• Check if you want to be online right now. If not, go to the above point and check in, then turn it off if you can and do something that makes you feel good. Aim for feeling happier at the end, not for the instant, easy solution.

The thing with mindfulness, is that you can realise that you're not feeling that great. Not the most fun thing to notice, but incredibly useful! Then you get to do something about it and there are so many options.

If you'd like an hand getting on top of your time online - grab this free guide! 

Ten Tips for Taming Internet Habits

Ten Tips for Taming Internet Habits

With love,
Lara  xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Ahh that's better: Telling yourself what you need to hear

So often in life when we are upset we turn to other people and things to deal with it and get us through.  

Getting support from others is a wonderful thing but they cannot always be there when we need them or find the words we need to really soothe us. 

Late in my pregnancy, I was given some brilliant advice that goes some way to solving this problem:

When the baby cries a lot and you are so weary, when it all feels hard  - talk to your baby. Tell them what you need to hear in a soothing voice (even through the screams).  

"Everything will be fine, not long now, sleep will come easily, you are doing so well, all is well". 

Human bodies are designed to relax when they hear soothing voices.

The words you say to soothe your child are also words to soothe you.

Now my daughter is much older, but this still rings true for me.

When I tell her what we need to hear, it feels like the words are coming from the wisest part of me or from some broader loving universal embrace.

It feels like a warm bath washing over me.

I'm sharing this because you can use this trick anytime YOUR heart or spirit needs soothing.

Whisper to yourself or simply think of exactly what you need to hear.

For me it might be things like 'I know this is hard/frustrating, but you're doing so well and you'll be done soon'.

It's something we all desperately need - to be our own safe haven and greatest ally. When we aren't there for ourselves, things like our phones, food, work or being crazy busy come in to smother or numb the experience.

The simple truth is that we are always there, whereas others are not, and do not and really cannot know exactly what we need to hear to be soothed in our time of stress or sadness.

Only we know exactly what will hit the spot for us and press that healing, soothing button.

It might sound funny, but this can also be applied to good things. Sometimes people may not get why something is so exciting or such a big deal for you - but you do and can have your own celebration. (Incidentally, this also hits the reward centre for your brain, so you get a dopamine hit when you praise yourself - it feels good). 

Lastly, when you know the words you need to hear, then you can help those close to you by telling them what soothes you. I've done this with my husband and it is really great for you both. Expecting people to be telepathic is not the recipe for a happy relationship!

So, try it out for yourself! Next time you are needing some support and loving words, soothe yourself with the words only you know and can share. 

With love,

Lara x

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

#truthbomb - Your morning routine sucks - what to do instead of being on your phone

You're not alone if checking your phone is the first thing you do every day. In fact 3 of 4 smartphone users are on their phones as soon as they wake up.

This is 'normal' for most of us but lets just let this sink in for a minute. You go straight from sleep to scrolling every single morning.

You're on your phone before you know:

• how you feel
• what you want from your day
• what you have on, or
• to acknowledge (heaven forbid connect with!) who you're sleeping next to.

Um.. those things are kind of important...

If you go straight to work emails, you're at work from waking. That's a lot of unpaid overtime.

If you go straight to the news, your body's hormones will bounce around according to what you're reading. 

You're not in your life or your body. You're greater needs aren't being met. You're numb at one level and getting your dopamine hits at another but not living into your own body, surrounds or life. 

Anyone who wants to approach their day from a place of calm and clearheadedness (particularly parents, managers and well, everyone) will see their life transform with a good start to the morning.

Let's talk morning routines! 

What could yours look like?

1. Some kind of quiet - you don't have to meditate, you could just do a 'body scan' to see how you're feeling, check in with yourself emotionally and take some deep breaths.

2. Some kind of movement - dance, stretch, do five minutes of yoga or pilates, wiggle around. Whatever and where ever the spirit moves you. 

3. Some kind of nuturing to yourself. Do you love a cup of tea or coffee? Put it in your favourite mug and drink it without distraction. Taste it. Dress yourself with care, not like some angry and swift attendent who wants their shift to end. Make a breakfast you will enjoy, not just what is easiest.

4. Set an intention of how you want to interact with people in your life. Happily? With patience? With love? With strength? Whatever, it will make a difference.

Give yourself a minute to daydream about how your perfect morning would be and then live it, just for tomorrow. See how you feel and adjust accordingly.

Without your phone, you'll be more creative, aware and centred. The world will adjust accordingly, just you wait.

* Now I know that it's hard working around kids in the morning, particularly when they wake early or their sleeping patterns are all over the place. Just try to do whichever steps are possible for you each morning. Some will work out better than others, but the intention will be there and be a benefit regardless. 

Go gently, 

Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Five ways to find your passions, chase joy (and easily get out of your rut)

There's being in a rut and being in a groove and heaven knows we all feel the difference just reading that sentence.

Grooves feel good. Ruts do not.

But sometimes getting out of a rut feels like an impossibility and we are there, wading through molasses, truly wanting out but not seeing any way forward.

Being online, attached to your work emails or gaming most nights is a great example of being stuck in a rut. You might get a buzz every now and then with something interesting or amusing happens* but often you don't even want to be doing it.

It's just habit you've out grown - A RUT!

You're still on there because it's serving you to get an easy kick, to avoid boredom, to connect or to avoid feelings or situations you don't want to face.

That's okay, but you're reading this because that rut is feeling sucky.

It aint your friend no more.

One solution to getting out of a rut is to chase your joys like your life depends on it.

If you've been online and a bit numb to your everyday life, you might not know where to start.

Here's a few amazing kick starters to help you find your spark and chase that joy you've been missing out on. 

Grab a piece of paper and write down the answer to this (without thinking) for five minutes.

• I am happiest when I am..... with....
• If I could do anything I would....
• If I had a week off work/parenting I would...
• I day dream about getting back into... (what did you love doing that you stopped?)
• I know I'd love doing more... (what's working that you could do more of?)

Now, do three things.

1. Pick the one you can do this week and schedule it in. Tell everyone you're doing it. Get excited.
2. Read over your list and pick what makes your body charge up and spark. Start planning how you can make it happen.
3. Tell the voice in your head that is worried and afraid about everything AND thinks you can't do anything different (everyone has this) that it's all good, you got this.

Okay four things...

      4. Give yourself permission to have a happy life and go do something fun, however small.

Let me know how you go!

With love,
Lara

*By the way this variation of a reward is a key feature of addictive activities. They give you a buzz every so often, not every time, so you keep coming back (think about pokies/slot machines, scratchies etc).

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Five tricks to feeling great next time you're online

Today I'm talking about how you feel when you're surfing online, browsing social media or checking your work email...

clean or dirty?

We all know the potential of the internet and what it can do for us, but the fact is, it can also be a major time-waster and energy drainer. 

Are you using your time online to improve life or to check out of it?

Let's look at 'clean' and 'dirty' time online to help us understand how to live better online.

Clean time online is largely conscious. You're in your body and your brain. You're there for a reason and it's meaningful, whether it be for fun, to connect with others, to do a job (pay a bill, research, buy something) or to work. Once your task is complete, you are done.

Dirty time online is largely unconscious time. You ended up online because it's habit or you can't be bothered doing anything else. You are clicking, scrolling and browsing for no particular reason and getting next to nothing out of it. You finish up online and feel tired and blah. There goes another night. 

So think about your last session online and ask yourself these five questions:

1. Did you consciously choose to go online/connect to your email, or did your fingers do the walking before you could think twice?

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

2. When you are online, are you just focused on that task? Being focused on more than one task means that you are online and doing other things e.g. watching tv, talking to someone, watching your kids, cooking dinner.

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

3. Are you online to get something done - have fun, connect, research, shop, work - or because you are wanting to escape an unwanted feeling like boredom, irritation or loneliness?

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

4. After the task is done, do you go offline and get back to living your life?

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

5. When you go offline, do you feel more energised and satisfied than you did before you started?

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

If you're answering no to one or more of these questions, it's time to think about how you want to use the internet - to enhance or detract from your life.

To use the internet as a tool, rather than a stop-gap and compulsive habit aim for your time to be conscious, focused, purposeful, time-limited and energising.

To create some space to make wiser decisions about internet use and make the most of your life, get my free guide below.

Go gently, 
Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.