THE FREEDOM FILES
A blog by Dr Lara Corr
How to be mindful when you're online.
Alright peeps! We know that we're spending loads of time online, so why not get mindful about it? If you want to get some great benefits out of your 'nothing time' online, read on...
I've written before about aiming to go online for a purpose – for fun, to learn something, or to buy something etc. – and when that purpose has been achieved, to turn it off.
But what about when you find yourself online for no particular reason?
This is where mindfulness comes in. Yep, I'm talking mindful internet use!
Before you roll your eyes and stop reading, here are some reasons you might like to consider it.
Being mindful online:
Will help you get more out of your time online...
Improve your concentration span, increase connection to content....
Clear away some the online habits you don't actually want...
AND help you to read and act on the signals that you've had enough!
With all those bonuses in mind, here are a few ways to be mindful when online:
- Ditch the automatic scroll. Look at every Facebook post, every Instagram photo, whatever. Take. Your. Time. Read the content. At this point you may realise that you don't like some of the pages or people whose content you see every day – unfollow them.
- Consciously notice five new things on the screen. This is my favourite mindfulness trick in general, that you can apply everywhere and to everything. It's easy and it works.
- If you start reading something, read the whole thing and take in every word. Try to remember three interesting or useful things about it that you could share with someone later.
- Respond to articles, photos or posts to contribute to communities and connect with others.
- Check in with your body – is your time online making you feel happy, productive, or reducing anxiety or frustration, are you avoiding boredom? Does your chest feel tense or relaxed?
- Check if you want to be online right now. If not, go to the above point and check in, then turn it off if you can and do something that makes you feel good. Aim for feeling happier at the end, not for the instant, easy solution.
The thing with mindfulness, is that you can realise that you're not feeling that great. Not the most fun thing to notice, but incredibly useful! Then you get to do something about it and there are so many options.
If you'd like an hand getting on top of your time online - grab this free guide!
With love,
Lara xx
Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.
Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.
Ahh that's better: Telling yourself what you need to hear
When sh*t hits the fan, we all need support. Hearing the right words can make all the difference but what happens when there's no one around to support us or they don't know what to say to make us feel better?
So often in life when we are upset we turn to other people and things to deal with it and get us through.
Getting support from others is a wonderful thing but they cannot always be there when we need them or find the words we need to really soothe us.
Late in my pregnancy, I was given some brilliant advice that goes some way to solving this problem:
When the baby cries a lot and you are so weary, when it all feels hard - talk to your baby. Tell them what you need to hear in a soothing voice (even through the screams).
"Everything will be fine, not long now, sleep will come easily, you are doing so well, all is well".
Human bodies are designed to relax when they hear soothing voices.
The words you say to soothe your child are also words to soothe you.
Now my daughter is much older, but this still rings true for me.
When I tell her what we need to hear, it feels like the words are coming from the wisest part of me or from some broader loving universal embrace.
It feels like a warm bath washing over me.
I'm sharing this because you can use this trick anytime YOUR heart or spirit needs soothing.
Whisper to yourself or simply think of exactly what you need to hear.
For me it might be things like 'I know this is hard/frustrating, but you're doing so well and you'll be done soon'.
It's something we all desperately need - to be our own safe haven and greatest ally. When we aren't there for ourselves, things like our phones, food, work or being crazy busy come in to smother or numb the experience.
The simple truth is that we are always there, whereas others are not, and do not and really cannot know exactly what we need to hear to be soothed in our time of stress or sadness.
Only we know exactly what will hit the spot for us and press that healing, soothing button.
It might sound funny, but this can also be applied to good things. Sometimes people may not get why something is so exciting or such a big deal for you - but you do and can have your own celebration. (Incidentally, this also hits the reward centre for your brain, so you get a dopamine hit when you praise yourself - it feels good).
Lastly, when you know the words you need to hear, then you can help those close to you by telling them what soothes you. I've done this with my husband and it is really great for you both. Expecting people to be telepathic is not the recipe for a happy relationship!
So, try it out for yourself! Next time you are needing some support and loving words, soothe yourself with the words only you know and can share.
With love,
Lara x
Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.
#truthbomb - Your morning routine sucks - what to do instead of being on your phone
Instead of waking up tomorrow and checking your phone first thing, how about making up a new routine that sets you up for a brilliant day?!
You're not alone if checking your phone is the first thing you do every day. In fact 3 of 4 smartphone users are on their phones as soon as they wake up.
This is 'normal' for most of us but lets just let this sink in for a minute. You go straight from sleep to scrolling every single morning.
You're on your phone before you know:
- how you feel
- what you want from your day
- what you have on, or
- to acknowledge (heaven forbid connect with!) who you're sleeping next to.
Um.. those things are kind of important...
If you go straight to work emails, you're at work from waking. That's a lot of unpaid overtime.
If you go straight to the news, your body's hormones will bounce around according to what you're reading.
You're not in your life or your body. You're greater needs aren't being met. You're numb at one level and getting your dopamine hits at another but not living into your own body, surrounds or life.
Anyone who wants to approach their day from a place of calm and clearheadedness (particularly parents, managers and well, everyone) will see their life transform with a good start to the morning.
Let's talk morning routines!
What could yours look like?
1. Some kind of quiet - you don't have to meditate, you could just do a 'body scan' to see how you're feeling, check in with yourself emotionally and take some deep breaths.
2. Some kind of movement - dance, stretch, do five minutes of yoga or pilates, wiggle around. Whatever and where ever the spirit moves you.
3. Some kind of nuturing to yourself. Do you love a cup of tea or coffee? Put it in your favourite mug and drink it without distraction. Taste it. Dress yourself with care, not like some angry and swift attendent who wants their shift to end. Make a breakfast you will enjoy, not just what is easiest.
4. Set an intention of how you want to interact with people in your life. Happily? With patience? With love? With strength? Whatever, it will make a difference.
Give yourself a minute to daydream about how your perfect morning would be and then live it, just for tomorrow. See how you feel and adjust accordingly.
Without your phone, you'll be more creative, aware and centred. The world will adjust accordingly, just you wait.
* Now I know that it's hard working around kids in the morning, particularly when they wake early or their sleeping patterns are all over the place. Just try to do whichever steps are possible for you each morning. Some will work out better than others, but the intention will be there and be a benefit regardless.
Go gently,
Lara xx
Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.
Five ways to find your passions, chase joy (and easily get out of your rut)
Okay people, time to get out of those ruts and get into a happier groove. Don't know where to start? It's simple!
There's being in a rut and being in a groove and heaven knows we all feel the difference just reading that sentence.
Grooves feel good. Ruts do not.
But sometimes getting out of a rut feels like an impossibility and we are there, wading through molasses, truly wanting out but not seeing any way forward.
Being online, attached to your work emails or gaming most nights is a great example of being stuck in a rut. You might get a buzz every now and then with something interesting or amusing happens* but often you don't even want to be doing it.
It's just habit you've out grown - A RUT!
You're still on there because it's serving you to get an easy kick, to avoid boredom, to connect or to avoid feelings or situations you don't want to face.
That's okay, but you're reading this because that rut is feeling sucky.
It aint your friend no more.
One solution to getting out of a rut is to chase your joys like your life depends on it.
If you've been online and a bit numb to your everyday life, you might not know where to start.
Here's a few amazing kick starters to help you find your spark and chase that joy you've been missing out on.
Grab a piece of paper and write down the answer to this (without thinking) for five minutes.
- I am happiest when I am..... with....
- If I could do anything I would....
- If I had a week off work/parenting I would...
- I day dream about getting back into... (what did you love doing that you stopped?)
- I know I'd love doing more... (what's working that you could do more of?)
Now, do three things.
- Pick the one you can do this week and schedule it in. Tell everyone you're doing it. Get excited.
- Read over your list and pick what makes your body charge up and spark. Start planning how you can make it happen.
- Tell the voice in your head that is worried and afraid about everything AND thinks you can't do anything different (everyone has this) that it's all good, you got this.
Okay four things...
4. Give yourself permission to have a happy life and go do something fun, however small.
Let me know how you go!
With love,
Lara
*By the way this variation of a reward is a key feature of addictive activities. They give you a buzz every so often, not every time, so you keep coming back (think about pokies/slot machines, scratchies etc).
Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.
Five tricks to feeling great next time you're online
There's a simple way to tell how you're using your time online. It comes down to two words - clean or dirty. So are you clean or dirty online (haha, let's keep this clean)? Once you know, you'll have five new tricks to feeling great online.
Today I'm talking about how you feel when you're surfing online, browsing social media or checking your work email...
clean or dirty?
We all know the potential of the internet and what it can do for us, but the fact is, it can also be a major time-waster and energy drainer.
Are you using your time online to improve life or to check out of it?
Let's look at 'clean' and 'dirty' time online to help us understand how to live better online.
Clean time online is largely conscious. You're in your body and your brain. You're there for a reason and it's meaningful, whether it be for fun, to connect with others, to do a job (pay a bill, research, buy something) or to work. Once your task is complete, you are done.
Dirty time online is largely unconscious time. You ended up online because it's habit or you can't be bothered doing anything else. You are clicking, scrolling and browsing for no particular reason and getting next to nothing out of it. You finish up online and feel tired and blah. There goes another night.
So think about your last session online and ask yourself these five questions:
1. Did you consciously choose to go online/connect to your email, or did your fingers do the walking before you could think twice?
Yes - Clean
No - Dirty
2. When you are online, are you just focused on that task? Being focused on more than one task means that you are online and doing other things e.g. watching tv, talking to someone, watching your kids, cooking dinner.
Yes - Clean
No - Dirty
3. Are you online to get something done - have fun, connect, research, shop, work - or because you are wanting to escape an unwanted feeling like boredom, irritation or loneliness?
Yes - Clean
No - Dirty
4. After the task is done, do you go offline and get back to living your life?
Yes - Clean
No - Dirty
5. When you go offline, do you feel more energised and satisfied than you did before you started?
Yes - Clean
No - Dirty
If you're answering no to one or more of these questions, it's time to think about how you want to use the internet - to enhance or detract from your life.
To use the internet as a tool, rather than a stop-gap and compulsive habit aim for your time to be conscious, focused, purposeful, time-limited and energising.
To create some space to make wiser decisions about internet use and make the most of your life, get my free guide below.
Go gently,
Lara xx
Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.
Find SET ME FREE on facebook
previous blog posts
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May 2024
- May 10, 2024 Where ADHDers shine or struggle as managers at work. May 10, 2024
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March 2023
- Mar 3, 2023 Work-life balance is never going to happen. Mar 3, 2023
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November 2022
- Nov 2, 2022 'Be realistic' is terrible advice for women. Nov 2, 2022
- Nov 2, 2022 Stuck on making a decision about your work-life? Nov 2, 2022
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February 2022
- Feb 24, 2022 What do you need today? Feb 24, 2022
- Feb 24, 2022 Increasing your confidence at work - starting today. Feb 24, 2022
- Feb 24, 2022 Do you need a time-management reset at work? Feb 24, 2022
- Feb 24, 2022 What are your 'Greatest Hits' that bring you down? Feb 24, 2022
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November 2021
- Nov 11, 2021 The feeling of 'not enough' at work. Nov 11, 2021
- Nov 11, 2021 Happiness fatigue at work Nov 11, 2021
- Nov 11, 2021 Get to know your patterns of procrastination (avoidance) at work Nov 11, 2021
- Nov 11, 2021 Parental burnout versus professional burnout Nov 11, 2021
- Nov 11, 2021 How to feel worthy of your dream job. Nov 11, 2021
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October 2021
- Oct 22, 2021 Work and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day Oct 22, 2021
- Oct 22, 2021 Have you heard of the River of Misery? Oct 22, 2021
- Oct 22, 2021 Why is it so hard to believe good things about yourself? Oct 22, 2021
- Oct 22, 2021 What if you never feel like it? Oct 22, 2021
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September 2021
- Sep 30, 2021 An easy mistake that you might be making at work (and how to avoid it!). Sep 30, 2021
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June 2021
- Jun 27, 2021 Dealing with overwhelm at work. Jun 27, 2021
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June 2019
- Jun 4, 2019 Upset, frustrated or stressed at work? You MUST hear this. Jun 4, 2019
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May 2019
- May 21, 2019 What I learned from major burn out. May 21, 2019
- May 14, 2019 Thriving in your job while you're waiting to leave. May 14, 2019
- May 1, 2019 4 ways to make work more peaceful. May 1, 2019
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November 2018
- Nov 28, 2018 Finish your work on a high for 2018! Nov 28, 2018
- Nov 21, 2018 Meet your potential at work in three steps Nov 21, 2018
- Nov 14, 2018 How to tell if your workplace is out of whack. Nov 14, 2018
- Nov 3, 2018 Dreaming about having a different job? Nov 3, 2018
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October 2018
- Oct 25, 2018 3 ways to cope with backlash from shining. Oct 25, 2018
- Oct 3, 2018 You can’t afford to ignore this at work. Oct 3, 2018
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August 2018
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- Aug 3, 2018 What you must know about jealousy at work. Aug 3, 2018
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July 2018
- Jul 26, 2018 The recipe to a happy working life. Jul 26, 2018
- Jul 18, 2018 Stop using self-criticism as motivation. Jul 18, 2018
- Jul 12, 2018 Why don't you act on all those revelations you have? Jul 12, 2018
- Jul 5, 2018 "I just want to feel like I'm on the right path" Jul 5, 2018
- Jul 5, 2018 "I don't want to seem like I'm up myself" Jul 5, 2018
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June 2018
- Jun 16, 2018 Ask the right people... here they are! Jun 16, 2018
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May 2018
- May 23, 2018 There is help for your path all around you! May 23, 2018
- May 3, 2018 Can you beat your inner critic? May 3, 2018
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April 2018
- Apr 19, 2018 What you need to know about confidence. Apr 19, 2018
- Apr 13, 2018 You are not a perfect robot (and that's good news) Apr 13, 2018
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March 2018
- Mar 30, 2018 Live the Sh*t out of Your Life Mar 30, 2018
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February 2018
- Feb 9, 2018 What's your big project? Feb 9, 2018
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December 2017
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- Dec 13, 2017 Stop looking up and start looking sideways for your next career move Dec 13, 2017
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November 2017
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October 2017
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September 2017
- Sep 29, 2017 How to thrive in competitive work environments. Sep 29, 2017
- Sep 20, 2017 Finding peace in your crazy work day. Sep 20, 2017
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August 2017
- Aug 23, 2017 You landed your dream job, now what? Aug 23, 2017
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July 2017
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June 2017
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- Jun 23, 2017 Five steps to feeling fabulous with your work look. Jun 23, 2017
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May 2017
- May 26, 2017 What to do when you hate your work - your action plan May 26, 2017
- May 19, 2017 The reason for all your bad habits (you might be surprised!) May 19, 2017
- May 12, 2017 One quick fix to make everything better. May 12, 2017
- May 4, 2017 Truth time: Is it possible to 'leave work at work'? May 4, 2017
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April 2017
- Apr 28, 2017 The million dollar question - what can you really do? Apr 28, 2017
- Apr 20, 2017 The real 'enemy' we all need to fight immediately. Apr 20, 2017
- Apr 13, 2017 Put away the whip - find an approach to motivation that works Apr 13, 2017
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March 2017
- Mar 31, 2017 Stop letting work define your worth. Mar 31, 2017
- Mar 24, 2017 Words to bring you back to yourself (a love note to you) Mar 24, 2017
- Mar 17, 2017 The opinion you need when you're taking a risk. Mar 17, 2017
- Mar 10, 2017 What to do when life seems unclear: Five things you can do right now. Mar 10, 2017
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February 2017
- Feb 16, 2017 A hilarious (and useful) confidence boost at work. Feb 16, 2017
- Feb 10, 2017 Must do emotional prep before your next career move. Feb 10, 2017
- Feb 3, 2017 Make your work day more fun and meaningful (while you find something better). Feb 3, 2017
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January 2017
- Jan 28, 2017 Want to leave your job? Three things to get from it before you move on. Jan 28, 2017
- Jan 12, 2017 Five things every workspace needs (especially if you hate your job) Jan 12, 2017
- Jan 6, 2017 "Oh, I'd never do that just for me": Screw that, you're worth it. Jan 6, 2017
- Jan 2, 2017 Dreading going back to work? Read this. Jan 2, 2017
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December 2016
- Dec 26, 2016 You rocked this year: Time to pat yourself on the back Dec 26, 2016
- Dec 16, 2016 Let it go: What is it time to drop in 2017? Dec 16, 2016
- Dec 2, 2016 Why you need never worry about failure again. Dec 2, 2016
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November 2016
- Nov 25, 2016 "It's too late to change careers" and other lies we tell ourselves. Nov 25, 2016
- Nov 17, 2016 Why you should keep your day job (while you go for the business your dreams). Nov 17, 2016
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September 2016
- Sep 11, 2016 Listening to ourselves is scary but the alternative is terrifying Sep 11, 2016
- Sep 5, 2016 Busy? What you must include in your day to stay healthy and happy. Sep 5, 2016
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August 2016
- Aug 31, 2016 Lost loves: What have you given up that you loved doing? Aug 31, 2016
- Aug 21, 2016 How to do what you want (but don't get around to) Aug 21, 2016
- Aug 18, 2016 How understanding fear can help you save the world (I'm serious). Aug 18, 2016
- Aug 14, 2016 Sliding doors: The small choices that make or break us Aug 14, 2016
- Aug 10, 2016 (Dis)comfort zones: The crappy things we choose every day. Aug 10, 2016
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- Aug 3, 2016 How to be ambitious without being an as*hole Aug 3, 2016
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July 2016
- Jul 27, 2016 Are you sensitive? Why it matters. Big time. Jul 27, 2016
- Jul 17, 2016 The three keys to dealing with worry. Jul 17, 2016
- Jul 13, 2016 Do you share these regrets? Jul 13, 2016
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June 2016
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- Jun 26, 2016 Five ways to survive political uncertainty without losing your mind. Jun 26, 2016
- Jun 22, 2016 What to do when others don't want you to change: Snap-back attack! Jun 22, 2016
- Jun 8, 2016 Do you ever really switch off? Why it needs to be your top priority. Jun 8, 2016
- Jun 5, 2016 How to be mindful when you're online. Jun 5, 2016
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May 2016
- May 31, 2016 Joy signpost #2: What can't you shut up about?! May 31, 2016
- May 28, 2016 Why I spent so much time online as a new mum and what I would do differently next time. May 28, 2016
- May 25, 2016 Everything is great except... what behaviour(s) are you holding onto and why? May 25, 2016
- May 22, 2016 Lights on! What sets your heart on fire and why you're not doing it. May 22, 2016
- May 18, 2016 How time online could make you happier May 18, 2016
- May 16, 2016 Does reading 'self-help' tips make you feel crap about your life? You're not alone. May 16, 2016
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- May 12, 2016 Ahh that's better: Telling yourself what you need to hear May 12, 2016
- May 4, 2016 It's time to parent yourself better through food: Why failing to plan is planning to fail. May 4, 2016
- May 1, 2016 #truthbomb - Your morning routine sucks - what to do instead of being on your phone May 1, 2016
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April 2016
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- Apr 26, 2016 Procrastinators, unite! A fun clip you need watch right now Apr 26, 2016
- Apr 20, 2016 Five tricks to feeling great next time you're online Apr 20, 2016
- Apr 15, 2016 Mindful eating: Ultimate toddler challenge edition Apr 15, 2016
- Apr 10, 2016 Five reasons you are sabotaging your dreams and how to stop! Apr 10, 2016