Joy signpost #2: What can't you shut up about?!

Hi everyone,

I'm writing this post from my hotel room in Amsterdam (happy dance) and today I want to talk about another way to identify your passions, joys – to what will make life that much sweeter, shinier and sparklier = awesome.

During the conference, I've met so many new people and gotten to know others better. 

The striking thing for me has been watching people come to life during conversations when they hit on their passions.

I love that point where someone's whole body language changes, their eyes sparkle, a grin flashes across their faces and their energy soars.

Everyone around them lifts. 

Although the conference delegates were there to talk about wellbeing at work, the conversations drifted towards other things fairly quickly. To what they REALLY loved talking about. To what you couldn't shut them up about (and I had no desire to!). 

Some of the hot topics were: travel, adventure, language, love, renovation shows, motorbike riding and super bike training, and all things woo woo.

Yes, this is all happening at an academic conference!

The moral of the story is: People cannot help but talk about things they love sooner or later.

So, what can't you shut up about?

Take a minute to go through your mind and find the last thing you really buzzed about and felt that energy to keep talking. Not in an anxious way, but in a radiant, warm glow kind of way. 

Follow the trail of breadcrumbs to joy!

What were you discussing? You might have held the floor while you waxed lyrical. You might have kept bringing the conversation back to the subject or felt deflated or annoyed that you didn't get to keep talking if you got cut off ;)

Like noticing what you love to check out online, noticing what you can't shut up about is a joy signpost, people! 

It's another way to identify what you get really excited about, what you could move towards to make life sweeter, more fulfilling and joyful. Woo!

You have this great signpost, so what are you going to do about it?

Are you making a plan to bring more of that joy into your life, or has your brain already kicked in with all the reasons you can't or shouldn't?

If this is the case, ask yourself why...

Is your passion not valued in society or perhaps considered frivolous or [insert derogatory word]?

Does it seem too hard to bring it into your life? 

Is it a shame tape playing? 'Who do you think you are?' or 'You're not good enough'?

Are you rejecting your passions because they don't fit with who you think you should be? 

Or is it simply that you can't be bothered, that you don't value or prioritise your own joy and happiness? (More thoughts to explore)

To bring your passions out into the open and to let joy run wild in your life, there are ultimately four steps (in no particular order). 

1. Accept yourself

2. Prioritise happiness

3. Problem-solve

4. Calm fear

It's as simple and as complicated as that, but trust me, you've got this! 

What's holding you back from living a life you glow about?

Talk about it with a friend or a coach (oh what? I'm a coach! No way, so handy*). 

Have a good one!

Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Does reading 'self-help' tips make you feel crap about your life? You're not alone.

Hi everyone,

I've been interested in personal development or ‘self-help’ for many years. It’s been a real lifesaver for me in difficult times.
 
Though I’m grateful for all I learnt, I can’t say my interest in it came from a place of self-acceptance.
 
It came from a place of feeling broken somehow and being desperate to be ‘fixed’ and to make my life perfect and stress-free, as if perfection was attainable!
 
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that there is something wrong with us that needs fixing. That we are making mistakes with our lives, like how we use our time, what we eat, who we are with and the job we are doing. 
 
There’s so much information now and research is co-opted left, right and centre that invites us to be self-critical with how we live, always promoting a different, better way to be.
 
I don’t want to feed into that self-critical drama! I want to present an alternative:
 
You are not someone broken to be fixed.

You are a masterpiece AND a work in progress (thanks, Susan Hyatt).

Yes, you are both perfectly imperfect, and don’t need to change a hair on your head, as well as a person on a journey.
 
This is a paradox worth exploring and for me, it’s relies on self-care and kindness, as well as getting in touch with where your values lie and your dreams rest. 

Who you really are and what you really want.
 
When we are loving and kind towards ourselves, we can learn to love and accept ourselves now and also to enjoy moving towards where we yearn to be.  (You’ll be happy to know that being kind to yourself is totally backed by research – it’s soo good for you!)
 
It's a real balancing act, getting ourselves unstuck and tweaking our lives and all the while accepting ourselves, completely.
 
It’s part of what I love about coaching - clients are genuinely accepted as they are and are also given opportunities to grow and transform, should they wish. 

This sweet spot of getting to know and love yourself and getting into your zone of joy - living your purpose - is definitely something to work for.
 
The prize is joy, calmness, excitement, energy, warmth and patience for others and living into yourself and your life in ways you never dreamt possible.
 
So good!
 
You can start by thinking through what I mentioned above –

1. What do you most value? Kindness, truth, beauty, love, freedom…
2. What are your small, medium and large dreams?
3. Where are you hiding yourself in your life? Who are you when no one is looking?
4. What do you really want in life? Here’s a hint, under what we want ‘a holiday house!’ it’s really the feelings we are chasing, like with this example, it might be freedom, time with friends, to be in nature, a decent break from work, somewhere to make memories.

We had some great posts this week -

If you'd like to make the most of your evenings, check out Sunday's post here.

To learn to become your own compassion saviour, check this out.

Have a great week!

Lara
xox

P.S. If you haven't liked Set Me Free Coaching yet, please join us! 

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Five ways to find your passions, chase joy (and easily get out of your rut)

There's being in a rut and being in a groove and heaven knows we all feel the difference just reading that sentence.

Grooves feel good. Ruts do not.

But sometimes getting out of a rut feels like an impossibility and we are there, wading through molasses, truly wanting out but not seeing any way forward.

Being online, attached to your work emails or gaming most nights is a great example of being stuck in a rut. You might get a buzz every now and then with something interesting or amusing happens* but often you don't even want to be doing it.

It's just habit you've out grown - A RUT!

You're still on there because it's serving you to get an easy kick, to avoid boredom, to connect or to avoid feelings or situations you don't want to face.

That's okay, but you're reading this because that rut is feeling sucky.

It aint your friend no more.

One solution to getting out of a rut is to chase your joys like your life depends on it.

If you've been online and a bit numb to your everyday life, you might not know where to start.

Here's a few amazing kick starters to help you find your spark and chase that joy you've been missing out on. 

Grab a piece of paper and write down the answer to this (without thinking) for five minutes.

• I am happiest when I am..... with....
• If I could do anything I would....
• If I had a week off work/parenting I would...
• I day dream about getting back into... (what did you love doing that you stopped?)
• I know I'd love doing more... (what's working that you could do more of?)

Now, do three things.

1. Pick the one you can do this week and schedule it in. Tell everyone you're doing it. Get excited.
2. Read over your list and pick what makes your body charge up and spark. Start planning how you can make it happen.
3. Tell the voice in your head that is worried and afraid about everything AND thinks you can't do anything different (everyone has this) that it's all good, you got this.

Okay four things...

      4. Give yourself permission to have a happy life and go do something fun, however small.

Let me know how you go!

With love,
Lara

*By the way this variation of a reward is a key feature of addictive activities. They give you a buzz every so often, not every time, so you keep coming back (think about pokies/slot machines, scratchies etc).

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.