How to be mindful when you're online.

I've written before about aiming to go online for a purpose – for fun, to learn something, or to buy something etc. – and when that purpose has been achieved, to turn it off. 

But what about when you find yourself online for no particular reason?

This is where mindfulness comes in. Yep, I'm talking mindful internet use!

Before you roll your eyes and stop reading, here are some reasons you might like to consider it.

Being mindful online:

Will help you get more out of your time online...

Improve your concentration span, increase connection to content....

Clear away some the online habits you don't actually want...

AND help you to read and act on the signals that you've had enough!

With all those bonuses in mind, here are a few ways to be mindful when online:

• Ditch the automatic scroll. Look at every Facebook post, every Instagram photo, whatever. Take. Your. Time. Read the content. At this point you may realise that you don't like some of the pages or people whose content you see every day – unfollow them.
• Consciously notice five new things on the screen. This is my favourite mindfulness trick in general, that you can apply everywhere and to everything. It's easy and it works.
• If you start reading something, read the whole thing and take in every word. Try to remember three interesting or useful things about it that you could share with someone later.
• Respond to articles, photos or posts to contribute to communities and connect with others.
• Check in with your body – is your time online making you feel happy, productive, or reducing anxiety or frustration, are you avoiding boredom? Does your chest feel tense or relaxed?
• Check if you want to be online right now. If not, go to the above point and check in, then turn it off if you can and do something that makes you feel good. Aim for feeling happier at the end, not for the instant, easy solution.

The thing with mindfulness, is that you can realise that you're not feeling that great. Not the most fun thing to notice, but incredibly useful! Then you get to do something about it and there are so many options.

If you'd like an hand getting on top of your time online - grab this free guide! 

Ten Tips for Taming Internet Habits

Ten Tips for Taming Internet Habits

With love,
Lara  xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Lights on! What sets your heart on fire and why you're not doing it.

This week I caught up with an old colleague from academia. She does great research but was growing bored of her topic and starting to think about what was next.

While we were chatting she went a little off topic and spoke about having recently remembered her passion for social justice through the great examples of Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X. 

I got chills.

I pointed out what she just said (the conversation had since moved swiftly along) and you could see a light go on in her whole body. Like it was flooded with electricity.

Her subconscious had just thrown out an amazing clue of where she wanted to go.

Once that spark ignited, her mind was racing and a whole new range of possibilities were fighting for air time in her brain.

It was exciting, to say the least (I have chills again remembering it)!

She is a natural change-maker, drawn to helping professions, yet it seemed she had started reaching for smaller changes than the ones she really wanted to go for. Not to detract from the wonderful things she has achieved - she's awesome - it's more about where she wants to go and what she wants to do.

Later in the conversation she admitted reluctantly that she'd always thought that she had something 'big' to do in the world. 

Have you also had that thought whisper through your mind? That you might be able to live with your heart on fire doing something 'big' in this world?

I bet you have. 

So what happened?

Well, I bet that your little 'helper', the one inside us all always scanning for danger, shuts it down toute suite.

As most of you reading are likely to have your basic needs well and truly met and hopefully are not in physical danger, this hyper-vigilant part of us focuses on potential social danger. 

Heaven knows, it doesn't want you to get on anyone's bad side by not doing exactly what you've been told growing up, or subtly by those around you now. How dare you have big plans or even worse, actually start making them happen! You might make someone feel bad or not be good enough!

That 'helper' panics when you get big ideas. It might be concerned that you're getting grandiose and too big for your boots. 

Rest assured, that deep knowing you have about being able to do something 'big' is not about being grandiose.

The ideas attached to a deep knowing tend to have a different quality about them that isn't all about the ego but about following a compelling yearning (i.e. it's not about getting a super yacht or becoming a billionaire).

They are usually about:

...changing your world in some way - like knowing you can heal from intergenerational trauma and not pass it onto your children, becoming totally you, all the time, no matter what.

...changing the whole world (why not!)- fighting for a particular group in need, getting into politics, contributing to a cause, bringing a new product or piece of art to the world, or starting a revolution!

...meeting another type of soul dream, like achieving a great challenge or meeting a big goal, like climbing Mt Kilimanjaro, mastering an instrument or speaking a language fluently.

So, what are your yearnings, no matter how 'far fetched' they may seem? 

Start dreaming and now notice how fast your brain is to dismiss them as ridiculous, too hard or to bring out the big guns... the shame tapes we ALL have in our minds*:

"Who do you think you are?"

and

"You're not good enough"

We ALL have these tapes. Are you going to take them for the Truth? Or will you choose to light your heart on fire anyway?

Go get em tigers!

Love,

Lara xx

*If you're interested in learning more about shame tapes read about the American social work scholar Dr Brene Brown - these tapes come from interviewing over 10,000 people about shame. It isn't just you ;) 

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

How time online could make you happier

Today I'm talking about how to find your joy online.

Even though I coach people who'd like to create healthy boundaries with their internet use (i.e. have a kick ass life off their phones), I actually love the internet.

I guess you do to.

It helps connect people, informs us, entertains us and helps us fight for a better world through protesting injustices or fundraising good causes. 

So how does being online help you find your joy?

Well, it's simple really. 

Have a think about what you look at most online.

Now think about what you get lost in (in a good 'clean' way).

For me, I could watch motivational speeches, read about coaching and helping people, psychology and spiritual matters until the cows come home. It makes me really *happy*. It's no surprise to me that coaching and having an active spiritual life is my sweet spot.

What is it for you?

Do you pore over design blogs and pictures of beautiful rooms? It might be time to redo your space and maybe even offer to help people you know do the same! Hell, you might want to become an interior designer!

Do you LOVE anything sport related? Arrange a football game with friends, go to a match or take the kids out to kick a ball. Sign up for tennis lessons. Meet at the pub to watch a game with others.

Is it that you spend your time connecting with people online? Are you hanging out for people's return messages or to write back to a comment? You might start to actively bring more social sparks into your every day life.

Do you keep looking at travel blogs? Plan a trip! Even if it's camping a few kms away.

Oh and if you get jealous looking at something or someone, ask yourself, what is happening that I want? It's just a sign for you to use for good in your own life.

You get the drift! Bring your online joy into your real life and watch the happies fly out of you!

Wahoo!

Love,
Lara

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Does reading 'self-help' tips make you feel crap about your life? You're not alone.

Hi everyone,

I've been interested in personal development or ‘self-help’ for many years. It’s been a real lifesaver for me in difficult times.
 
Though I’m grateful for all I learnt, I can’t say my interest in it came from a place of self-acceptance.
 
It came from a place of feeling broken somehow and being desperate to be ‘fixed’ and to make my life perfect and stress-free, as if perfection was attainable!
 
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that there is something wrong with us that needs fixing. That we are making mistakes with our lives, like how we use our time, what we eat, who we are with and the job we are doing. 
 
There’s so much information now and research is co-opted left, right and centre that invites us to be self-critical with how we live, always promoting a different, better way to be.
 
I don’t want to feed into that self-critical drama! I want to present an alternative:
 
You are not someone broken to be fixed.

You are a masterpiece AND a work in progress (thanks, Susan Hyatt).

Yes, you are both perfectly imperfect, and don’t need to change a hair on your head, as well as a person on a journey.
 
This is a paradox worth exploring and for me, it’s relies on self-care and kindness, as well as getting in touch with where your values lie and your dreams rest. 

Who you really are and what you really want.
 
When we are loving and kind towards ourselves, we can learn to love and accept ourselves now and also to enjoy moving towards where we yearn to be.  (You’ll be happy to know that being kind to yourself is totally backed by research – it’s soo good for you!)
 
It's a real balancing act, getting ourselves unstuck and tweaking our lives and all the while accepting ourselves, completely.
 
It’s part of what I love about coaching - clients are genuinely accepted as they are and are also given opportunities to grow and transform, should they wish. 

This sweet spot of getting to know and love yourself and getting into your zone of joy - living your purpose - is definitely something to work for.
 
The prize is joy, calmness, excitement, energy, warmth and patience for others and living into yourself and your life in ways you never dreamt possible.
 
So good!
 
You can start by thinking through what I mentioned above –

1. What do you most value? Kindness, truth, beauty, love, freedom…
2. What are your small, medium and large dreams?
3. Where are you hiding yourself in your life? Who are you when no one is looking?
4. What do you really want in life? Here’s a hint, under what we want ‘a holiday house!’ it’s really the feelings we are chasing, like with this example, it might be freedom, time with friends, to be in nature, a decent break from work, somewhere to make memories.

We had some great posts this week -

If you'd like to make the most of your evenings, check out Sunday's post here.

To learn to become your own compassion saviour, check this out.

Have a great week!

Lara
xox

P.S. If you haven't liked Set Me Free Coaching yet, please join us! 

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Four ways to have a kick ass night, every night.

Most people take 'me' time every night by spending time on their phone, iPad or computer.  

We all need relaxation time, but the fact is that spending time online generally doesn't leave us feeling peaceful, happy and energised. It's just something easy. 

I think many of us have forgotten how to wind down and create evenings that make us feel really good, instead of the groundhog day of work, eat, go online, sleep, go online, repeat (add parenting or hanging out with partners and friends occasionally).

I've developed a great way to create a rejuvenating and awesome night, every night, or whenever you wish...

It starts with giving your devices a bed time. 

Turn them all off and do it a good hour or more before you'd like to go to bed. 

Once they're switched off, you might feel a bit weird or lost.

Don't worry, I've got you covered.

Here's four easy steps to creating a kick ass night for yourself!

FERC it!

1. Do something Fun.

What do you find fun? It can be as random or as commonplace as you like. At home, it might be watching your favourite show or reading a new novel. Drawing, dancing, going for a walk or painting your nails (this all applies to guys too!). Rearrange the room or redecorate (am I alone in loving this?!). Go for a run or do a group exercise class. Whatever floats your boat and leaves you feeling *HAPPY*. 

2. Do something that makes your life Easier tomorrow.

Do something that takes about 1-10 minutes but doesn't take over your night. Get your clothes ready, pack your lunch, do anything that will take a bit of pressure off. You'll be happy with yourself tomorrow.

3. Relax. 

Water is so relaxing. Take a bath or have a shower to wind down. Soak your feet in warm water.

Listen to whatever music matches your mood (okay, so this might require a device, just use it mindfully for music only - don't multitask with it).

If you live with someone, give each other a massage.

Do an activity that you find makes you chill out - this might also tick the Fun box :)

4. Connect with yourself and/or others. 

Take some time to be in your own company. Sit quietly, write whatever comes to mind or go for a walk. If you don't have much time to yourself normally, you might find that a lot of things come to mind that you need to do. Just jot them down and carry on. Bath time or a shower, as well as listening to music can also be a perfect way to connect with yourself.

Connecting with others! How many of us don't keep in touch with friends or family we dearly love? Give someone a call or Skype, write an email (try doing it in MS word so you don't end up drowning in emails) or even go old school and write a letter. Go out for a meal or a movie. Whatever!

Connect with who you live with. I must admit, for me these FERC activities mostly occur after my daughter is in bed, though sometimes they overlap. I'm more talking about housemates and partners here. Have a good chat. Do something together without also being on your phones. PUT THE PHONES AWAY. 

I don't think it's too crude to say that if you're on your phone, you're not creating the kind of intimacy that leads naturally to other kinds of connection... wink wink nudge nudge. So that activity will also tick the fun and relax box!

When you FERC your night, you might find that you are tired earlier than you would think, because you usually ignore it and stay online. This means you might go to bed earlier and get out of a cycle of fatigue. Totally life changing.

You might also find you sleep better, without the blue light mucking with your melatonin.

So there you go! FERC your night whenever possible and you'll find that you look forward to it. You'll have more fun ideas (what you pay attention to grows) and your relationships will get more TLC.

All of this promotes your mental wellbeing and brings energy and clarity into the rest of your life.

Yahoo!

Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Five ways to find your passions, chase joy (and easily get out of your rut)

There's being in a rut and being in a groove and heaven knows we all feel the difference just reading that sentence.

Grooves feel good. Ruts do not.

But sometimes getting out of a rut feels like an impossibility and we are there, wading through molasses, truly wanting out but not seeing any way forward.

Being online, attached to your work emails or gaming most nights is a great example of being stuck in a rut. You might get a buzz every now and then with something interesting or amusing happens* but often you don't even want to be doing it.

It's just habit you've out grown - A RUT!

You're still on there because it's serving you to get an easy kick, to avoid boredom, to connect or to avoid feelings or situations you don't want to face.

That's okay, but you're reading this because that rut is feeling sucky.

It aint your friend no more.

One solution to getting out of a rut is to chase your joys like your life depends on it.

If you've been online and a bit numb to your everyday life, you might not know where to start.

Here's a few amazing kick starters to help you find your spark and chase that joy you've been missing out on. 

Grab a piece of paper and write down the answer to this (without thinking) for five minutes.

• I am happiest when I am..... with....
• If I could do anything I would....
• If I had a week off work/parenting I would...
• I day dream about getting back into... (what did you love doing that you stopped?)
• I know I'd love doing more... (what's working that you could do more of?)

Now, do three things.

1. Pick the one you can do this week and schedule it in. Tell everyone you're doing it. Get excited.
2. Read over your list and pick what makes your body charge up and spark. Start planning how you can make it happen.
3. Tell the voice in your head that is worried and afraid about everything AND thinks you can't do anything different (everyone has this) that it's all good, you got this.

Okay four things...

      4. Give yourself permission to have a happy life and go do something fun, however small.

Let me know how you go!

With love,
Lara

*By the way this variation of a reward is a key feature of addictive activities. They give you a buzz every so often, not every time, so you keep coming back (think about pokies/slot machines, scratchies etc).

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.