Do you ever really switch off? Why it needs to be your top priority.

Do you dream of feeling deeply relaxed, of waking up fresh and ready to go?

Much of the answer lies in learning how to switch off and recover from your day, every day.

So I’d like to share with you what I learnt from some research presented at the Wellbeing at Work Conference last week in Amsterdam.

It all revolves around the idea of recovery.

We know that athletes include rest days in between training to ensure that their bodies recover and their muscles work effectively, but how many of us give ourselves mental recovery from our busy lives each day?

Switching off devices, not thinking about work and having restorative time is essential to mental health and wellbeing.

Did you hear me? Switching off.

Let me repeat. Switching off. Relaxing. Not thinking about work or being on your phone or computer.

Here's the thing, switching off doesn't just matter at the time, it matters for how we sleep, therefore our recovery and how we start the next day.

If you don't switch off, your heart activity is negatively affected ALL NIGHT. So you don't recover properly from your day. 

Without proper sleep and recovery, we start every new day a little wired and can't make the kind of decisions and actions we want to to support our best lives. 

Switching off, sleep and recovery are the cornerstones of your dream life, because they are the foundation of relaxation, joy, creativity and great decision-making.  

You might not know what switching off would look like. As much as I try to focus on this, it's still something that is quite foreign to me, as someone who tends to jam in things when my daughter is in bed. 

You may need to spend time working out what you could do to switch off.

Follow your nose to anything that makes you feel a little bit happier or more alive. To anything that twigs your interest, not just habit or a cheap thrill (like checking Facebook for the billionth time). 

Like I mentioned in my post about night routines, give your phone and other devices a bedtime – think of something fun to do when they are off, so your brain feels rewarded - FERC it!  

The goal is always to find the ways you need to care best for yourself. 

That's the path to finding a truly joyful and peaceful life.

Let's all focus on really switching off this week!

With love,
Lara xx

P.S. If you liked this post, please share it using the buttons below!

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

How to be mindful when you're online.

I've written before about aiming to go online for a purpose – for fun, to learn something, or to buy something etc. – and when that purpose has been achieved, to turn it off. 

But what about when you find yourself online for no particular reason?

This is where mindfulness comes in. Yep, I'm talking mindful internet use!

Before you roll your eyes and stop reading, here are some reasons you might like to consider it.

Being mindful online:

Will help you get more out of your time online...

Improve your concentration span, increase connection to content....

Clear away some the online habits you don't actually want...

AND help you to read and act on the signals that you've had enough!

With all those bonuses in mind, here are a few ways to be mindful when online:

• Ditch the automatic scroll. Look at every Facebook post, every Instagram photo, whatever. Take. Your. Time. Read the content. At this point you may realise that you don't like some of the pages or people whose content you see every day – unfollow them.
• Consciously notice five new things on the screen. This is my favourite mindfulness trick in general, that you can apply everywhere and to everything. It's easy and it works.
• If you start reading something, read the whole thing and take in every word. Try to remember three interesting or useful things about it that you could share with someone later.
• Respond to articles, photos or posts to contribute to communities and connect with others.
• Check in with your body – is your time online making you feel happy, productive, or reducing anxiety or frustration, are you avoiding boredom? Does your chest feel tense or relaxed?
• Check if you want to be online right now. If not, go to the above point and check in, then turn it off if you can and do something that makes you feel good. Aim for feeling happier at the end, not for the instant, easy solution.

The thing with mindfulness, is that you can realise that you're not feeling that great. Not the most fun thing to notice, but incredibly useful! Then you get to do something about it and there are so many options.

If you'd like an hand getting on top of your time online - grab this free guide! 

Ten Tips for Taming Internet Habits

Ten Tips for Taming Internet Habits

With love,
Lara  xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Why I spent so much time online as a new mum and what I would do differently next time.

With new research coming out this week saying that mums spending time online were more anxious than those that didn't, it got me thinking about how I used the internet when I was a new(ish) mum.

More importantly, it got me thinking what I'd do differently.

This is great advice for parents (mums and dads) and parents to be.

I was not one of those people that breezed into parenting and found it simple to be at home with a baby, although really, who is that person?

The first sign that being at home with a baby might be hard for me was maternity leave – the first week I was practically hanging from the ceilings! 

For someone who relished feeling ‘productive’in the way our culture defines productive, it was hard to feel soooo ‘unproductive’ as a new parent.

It was such an adjustment to run by my baby’s body clock (‘nature time’) rather than the industrial clock our world now abides by.

It was so frustrating to get one thing done a day, if I was lucky. To not know what the next day or week would hold. SO MANY FREAKIN’ WONDER WEEKS!

I was tired and lonely. I missed being with my colleagues and socialising with friends that were now on different time schedules.

So I went online. A lot.

Being on the phone made me feel like I was doing SOMETHING all those hours when I was feeding and I was online every time I breastfed her.

Seeing the online world made me feel more like I was out in that world and a part of it, like I was socialising enough for me.

On the big plus side, being online exposed me to some cracking parenting blogs (I can highly recommend Janet Lansbury) and meant I could share the highs, lows and puzzles of early parenting through my Baby Centre birth month forum. The Raising Children’s Network gave me access to evidence-based information to relieve anxiety in decision-making. I shared photos and videos with people I loved around the world.

These are all the beautiful parts of being online, the parts that make life that much better and easier.

The thing was though, that I wasn’t just online for reasons of fun, interest or purpose.

I was online because it was easy, because it was habit and because I could numb out all the frustration, loneliness and boredom of early parenting through that handy escape.

This is fine for every now and then, but when ongoing it starts to interrupt the critical self-care and makes life that much harder.

Instead of problem solving and fixing or adapting to what we are struggling with in our lives, we just keep checking-out online.

In particular, always reaching for the phone when I wasn’t interacting with my baby* meant that I slept less and found it harder to get to sleep.

We all know how well we go with crappy sleep. Everything becomes really hard.

Being online a lot also meant I wasn’t proactive about easing my isolation and really wasn’t in touch with how difficult I was finding things. This meant I spent a lot of time without the support I needed, and could have found, had I reached out.

Lastly, it meant that my life wasn’t where it could have been in terms of getting the day to day stuff done which makes it run more smoothly.

So for me ­– and I’m not saying we’re all like this – being online a lot made me more tired and stressed, more out of touch with my needs and less inclined to make my life the way I wanted and needed it to be.

So what would I do differently next time, should I be so lucky? (There are a million things, but here are a few relevant snippets)

·      Go online when it was the most loving choice for me – for actual fun, connection or for a purpose, not to escape or numb.

·      Seek out as much connection and support as I need, in whatever form I can, whenever I can. Shamelessly!

·      I would turn off the phone and have good quality rest or sleep whenever an opportunity arose.

·      If I’m having a problem with something, I’d write about it, talk about it and try to work it out, rather than assuming that now I’ve got a baby I just have to put up with everything. We really do have a lot of choice, even with the new constraints.

·      I’d be more careful with my thinking and language (crazy sleepless brain willing). I hope I’d look more at what is happening e.g. I’m tired and the baby is crying, and jump less to my old dramatic thoughts that make me feel AWFUL, like  ‘this is a nightmare’ ‘I can’t cope’ and ‘this is too hard’.

Above all, I would endeavour to choose things that create joy in my life and leave me feeling better than when I started, wherever possible. 

Choosing things that are easy but leave you feeling crappy, is a recipe for blahhhh.

So those are my reflections, I hope that they validate your experiences and/or help out people living this now and in the future. For those of you that didn’t experience any of this, you can just feel really smug ;)

If you’re feeling blah for more than a week, do tell your maternal and child health nurse and your GP, look up Beyondblue , COPE and call PANDA. Funding has been cut but there is still a lot of support around. 

Lots of love to all

Lara

xxx

* Don't worry y'all, I spent LOADS of quality interaction time with my wee gal, I just grabbed the phone any time she was asleep, in the pram, not looking... She actually didn't get any screen time except through Skype until after two. So yeah, I was all about the ol' double standard!!

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Everything is great except... what behaviour(s) are you holding onto and why?

Most of us have something in our lives which we are not 100% happy with that has been hanging around for quite a while.

We say we don't like it, we complain about it and yet it seems to be mighty comfortable in our lives!

Does any of this ring a bell?

Everything is fine except...

that I spend more money than I have every month

that I don't like my job and haven't for months or years

that I don't see my friends much

that I don't get around to exercising

that I still have this weight I want to lose

that I lose so much time to being online

and so on...

The conversation that has been taking place internally or between you and your compadres may have been going on a long time. 

So pray tell, why is it still happening?

The answer: It's working for you.

You don't have to like it for it to be doing a job for you.

So it's time to ask, what's it's purpose. Get honest.

Does that behaviour...

Get you out of trying and potentially failing?

Protect your image and identity?

Stop you from grieving what you need to?

Stop you from facing what you don't like in your life?

Keep you playing smaller than you would?

Protect you from the negative judgement of others?

Make you feel safe (a big one with women and unwanted weight)?

Protect you from reliving past heartbreak? e.g. commitment phobe after a big heart break

The bottom line is that these self-sabotage behaviours are often, but not always, about avoiding vulnerability. They are really self-protection behaviours that aren't so helpful. 

The challenge is to dig deep and work out why you're really hanging onto that unwanted behaviour and then what you might do about it. 

Talk with a trusted friend, coach or counsellor and get some clarity around the behaviour, then, if you wish, find a new way of protecting yourself, one that lets you grow and thrive.

With love,
Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

How time online could make you happier

Today I'm talking about how to find your joy online.

Even though I coach people who'd like to create healthy boundaries with their internet use (i.e. have a kick ass life off their phones), I actually love the internet.

I guess you do to.

It helps connect people, informs us, entertains us and helps us fight for a better world through protesting injustices or fundraising good causes. 

So how does being online help you find your joy?

Well, it's simple really. 

Have a think about what you look at most online.

Now think about what you get lost in (in a good 'clean' way).

For me, I could watch motivational speeches, read about coaching and helping people, psychology and spiritual matters until the cows come home. It makes me really *happy*. It's no surprise to me that coaching and having an active spiritual life is my sweet spot.

What is it for you?

Do you pore over design blogs and pictures of beautiful rooms? It might be time to redo your space and maybe even offer to help people you know do the same! Hell, you might want to become an interior designer!

Do you LOVE anything sport related? Arrange a football game with friends, go to a match or take the kids out to kick a ball. Sign up for tennis lessons. Meet at the pub to watch a game with others.

Is it that you spend your time connecting with people online? Are you hanging out for people's return messages or to write back to a comment? You might start to actively bring more social sparks into your every day life.

Do you keep looking at travel blogs? Plan a trip! Even if it's camping a few kms away.

Oh and if you get jealous looking at something or someone, ask yourself, what is happening that I want? It's just a sign for you to use for good in your own life.

You get the drift! Bring your online joy into your real life and watch the happies fly out of you!

Wahoo!

Love,
Lara

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Four ways to have a kick ass night, every night.

Most people take 'me' time every night by spending time on their phone, iPad or computer.  

We all need relaxation time, but the fact is that spending time online generally doesn't leave us feeling peaceful, happy and energised. It's just something easy. 

I think many of us have forgotten how to wind down and create evenings that make us feel really good, instead of the groundhog day of work, eat, go online, sleep, go online, repeat (add parenting or hanging out with partners and friends occasionally).

I've developed a great way to create a rejuvenating and awesome night, every night, or whenever you wish...

It starts with giving your devices a bed time. 

Turn them all off and do it a good hour or more before you'd like to go to bed. 

Once they're switched off, you might feel a bit weird or lost.

Don't worry, I've got you covered.

Here's four easy steps to creating a kick ass night for yourself!

FERC it!

1. Do something Fun.

What do you find fun? It can be as random or as commonplace as you like. At home, it might be watching your favourite show or reading a new novel. Drawing, dancing, going for a walk or painting your nails (this all applies to guys too!). Rearrange the room or redecorate (am I alone in loving this?!). Go for a run or do a group exercise class. Whatever floats your boat and leaves you feeling *HAPPY*. 

2. Do something that makes your life Easier tomorrow.

Do something that takes about 1-10 minutes but doesn't take over your night. Get your clothes ready, pack your lunch, do anything that will take a bit of pressure off. You'll be happy with yourself tomorrow.

3. Relax. 

Water is so relaxing. Take a bath or have a shower to wind down. Soak your feet in warm water.

Listen to whatever music matches your mood (okay, so this might require a device, just use it mindfully for music only - don't multitask with it).

If you live with someone, give each other a massage.

Do an activity that you find makes you chill out - this might also tick the Fun box :)

4. Connect with yourself and/or others. 

Take some time to be in your own company. Sit quietly, write whatever comes to mind or go for a walk. If you don't have much time to yourself normally, you might find that a lot of things come to mind that you need to do. Just jot them down and carry on. Bath time or a shower, as well as listening to music can also be a perfect way to connect with yourself.

Connecting with others! How many of us don't keep in touch with friends or family we dearly love? Give someone a call or Skype, write an email (try doing it in MS word so you don't end up drowning in emails) or even go old school and write a letter. Go out for a meal or a movie. Whatever!

Connect with who you live with. I must admit, for me these FERC activities mostly occur after my daughter is in bed, though sometimes they overlap. I'm more talking about housemates and partners here. Have a good chat. Do something together without also being on your phones. PUT THE PHONES AWAY. 

I don't think it's too crude to say that if you're on your phone, you're not creating the kind of intimacy that leads naturally to other kinds of connection... wink wink nudge nudge. So that activity will also tick the fun and relax box!

When you FERC your night, you might find that you are tired earlier than you would think, because you usually ignore it and stay online. This means you might go to bed earlier and get out of a cycle of fatigue. Totally life changing.

You might also find you sleep better, without the blue light mucking with your melatonin.

So there you go! FERC your night whenever possible and you'll find that you look forward to it. You'll have more fun ideas (what you pay attention to grows) and your relationships will get more TLC.

All of this promotes your mental wellbeing and brings energy and clarity into the rest of your life.

Yahoo!

Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Five ways to find your passions, chase joy (and easily get out of your rut)

There's being in a rut and being in a groove and heaven knows we all feel the difference just reading that sentence.

Grooves feel good. Ruts do not.

But sometimes getting out of a rut feels like an impossibility and we are there, wading through molasses, truly wanting out but not seeing any way forward.

Being online, attached to your work emails or gaming most nights is a great example of being stuck in a rut. You might get a buzz every now and then with something interesting or amusing happens* but often you don't even want to be doing it.

It's just habit you've out grown - A RUT!

You're still on there because it's serving you to get an easy kick, to avoid boredom, to connect or to avoid feelings or situations you don't want to face.

That's okay, but you're reading this because that rut is feeling sucky.

It aint your friend no more.

One solution to getting out of a rut is to chase your joys like your life depends on it.

If you've been online and a bit numb to your everyday life, you might not know where to start.

Here's a few amazing kick starters to help you find your spark and chase that joy you've been missing out on. 

Grab a piece of paper and write down the answer to this (without thinking) for five minutes.

• I am happiest when I am..... with....
• If I could do anything I would....
• If I had a week off work/parenting I would...
• I day dream about getting back into... (what did you love doing that you stopped?)
• I know I'd love doing more... (what's working that you could do more of?)

Now, do three things.

1. Pick the one you can do this week and schedule it in. Tell everyone you're doing it. Get excited.
2. Read over your list and pick what makes your body charge up and spark. Start planning how you can make it happen.
3. Tell the voice in your head that is worried and afraid about everything AND thinks you can't do anything different (everyone has this) that it's all good, you got this.

Okay four things...

      4. Give yourself permission to have a happy life and go do something fun, however small.

Let me know how you go!

With love,
Lara

*By the way this variation of a reward is a key feature of addictive activities. They give you a buzz every so often, not every time, so you keep coming back (think about pokies/slot machines, scratchies etc).

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Five tricks to feeling great next time you're online

Today I'm talking about how you feel when you're surfing online, browsing social media or checking your work email...

clean or dirty?

We all know the potential of the internet and what it can do for us, but the fact is, it can also be a major time-waster and energy drainer. 

Are you using your time online to improve life or to check out of it?

Let's look at 'clean' and 'dirty' time online to help us understand how to live better online.

Clean time online is largely conscious. You're in your body and your brain. You're there for a reason and it's meaningful, whether it be for fun, to connect with others, to do a job (pay a bill, research, buy something) or to work. Once your task is complete, you are done.

Dirty time online is largely unconscious time. You ended up online because it's habit or you can't be bothered doing anything else. You are clicking, scrolling and browsing for no particular reason and getting next to nothing out of it. You finish up online and feel tired and blah. There goes another night. 

So think about your last session online and ask yourself these five questions:

1. Did you consciously choose to go online/connect to your email, or did your fingers do the walking before you could think twice?

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

2. When you are online, are you just focused on that task? Being focused on more than one task means that you are online and doing other things e.g. watching tv, talking to someone, watching your kids, cooking dinner.

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

3. Are you online to get something done - have fun, connect, research, shop, work - or because you are wanting to escape an unwanted feeling like boredom, irritation or loneliness?

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

4. After the task is done, do you go offline and get back to living your life?

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

5. When you go offline, do you feel more energised and satisfied than you did before you started?

Yes - Clean

No - Dirty

If you're answering no to one or more of these questions, it's time to think about how you want to use the internet - to enhance or detract from your life.

To use the internet as a tool, rather than a stop-gap and compulsive habit aim for your time to be conscious, focused, purposeful, time-limited and energising.

To create some space to make wiser decisions about internet use and make the most of your life, get my free guide below.

Go gently, 
Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.