How understanding fear can help you save the world (I'm serious).

We are in a truly critical time in history and believe it or not, you have power over which direction it goes. But it's also a scary time, so there are no surprises that fear that can stop you from making your mark. Are you really going to bow down, when fear is something you can learn to overcome? Of course not, you're braver and wiser than that!

Think for a minute about how fear shapes our lives from the smallest decision to the biggest leap. 

Any number of things can wave that flag of 'danger' to us and lead to fear, whether it be a funny look from a colleague (Have I done something wrong?) or an empty pantry (I must eat, now!). 

Fear thoughts run through our heads all day, but you can learn to recognise fear's 'greatest hits', get its useful messages and calm that scared part of us to make sure that you get done what you most want and need to.

That list of deep wants and needs will be exciting and scary.

That list of deep wants and needs is essential to living life to the fullest and making the world a better place. 

The important thing to note is that fear does not travel alone.

It is the leader of a tribe that hurts us all. The tribe includes anger, shame, hopelessness and despair.

Their work, unchecked, makes us feel paralysed, tired, unmotivated and makes us want to escape or to pick a fight. 

Learning how to work with fear is not only the key to your happiness, but to better outcomes for your community and the world. 

A few questions, to help you see how fear is influencing us right now...

When we are too overwhelmed to listen to our own fears, how do we listen to others?

When we are too scared to see ourselves, how do we see others?

When all we see is 'not enough' (fear thoughts!!), how will we provide for everyone?

When we don't meet our own needs, it's harder to meet the needs of the community.

If we are too intimidated to talk to someone we want to, how will we talk to someone we really need to connect with to help make the world better? 

now let's go really big.

Let's look at the biggest challenges in society now. Deep breathe and stay with me, because the alternatives ROCK!!

Climate change

I did some climate change research in the mid-2000s and was in contact with some of the best climate scientists in Australia. They talked over and over about people looking like 'deer in headlights'.

Basically, fear is f*cking up our chances of addressing climate change.

I'm only just able to accept this now, after coming out of a fear phase myself that left me apathetic and hopeless.

* People are afraid, so they ignore the science and don't act.

* Politicians are afraid to see the science, or afraid of the voters not supporting them, so they don't act.

* Climate activists are consumed by fear and anger and burn out.

Oy. Time to work on managing fear, no?

Race, gender, sexuality, age, dis(ability) relations

Let's be clear, the first step to working through the complexity of these relations is to recognise privilege - this is where fear stops us before we get started.

When we are too afraid to see our privilege, that is, the power we have over others due to money, race, gender, sexuality, age, physical ability, we aren't able to understand how the world really works and where the solutions lie.

It also means you're probably not connected to the people that hold the solutions – those being oppressed through experiences of racism, homophobia and other types of discrimination, at individual and structural levels. 

When we are afraid to let go of power or privilege then inequalities remain strong or grow. Fear runs high, people can feel isolated, powerless and hopeless. That does not lead to good. You only have to think of ISIS to see how this unfolds, but suicide and incarceration are also painful examples. 

When we are stuck in fear, we don't really see people or problems from the root cause, we just look at the surface. To use a medical example, it's like providing endless medication for a preventable disease. You end up with people still getting sick as well as antibiotic resistance!

Fear can make us blind, ignorant and to contribute to the problems of the world.

Fear can lead us to numbing and ignoring, to putting off plans, to staying at home, to giving up. To not taking time to understand how we can make things better, even a little better. 

fear is the master saboteur.

the great news is, YOU can work well with fear to save yourself and help heal the world.

It all starts with eavesdropping on your thinking, on noticing fear thoughts and soothing yourself. Hot tip: yelling at or ignoring fear do not work!

Get Four Ways to (nicely) Crush Crappy Thoughts

Crush crappy thoughts

Then learning that fear will always be around, but that's okay. Carrying on anyway. 

My work revolves around helping people to recognise and work well with fear, so that they can 'get out of their own way' and create their ideal lives. But more than that, my ultimate purpose is to help people positively impact the world, no matter their sphere of influence. 

I've got two events coming up soon that will teach you the basics in how to work well with fear!!

Check out my Melbourne short-course with Chafia Brooks – Revive: Mind and Body – (Three Sundays from 1-3pm, you can so make time to change your life!) and my power workshop in Canberra 'Unblocked' on the 15th October, also 1-3pm.

No excuses (we know that's just fear talking). Sign up today and bring a friend!

With love,

Lara xxx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Five reasons you are sabotaging your dreams and how to stop!

You know that feeling when lots of good things are happening and you wonder when something will go pear-shaped? The worry creeps in… our minds start to find problems where there aren’t any…

For some reason, once the initial celebration or joy has passed, we can feel pretty uncomfortable with life going well.

This is when our frenemy, self-sabotage, comes to visit.

Acts of self-sabotage can be large or small. It might look like binge eating after realising you’ve lost some weight. Like landing your dream job and going home and picking a fight with your partner.

For me, it looked like getting lots of coaching clients and feeling extremely happy and then having a sudden urge to be in a cave with a lot of food and a good internet connection. 

It was SO puzzling, for about a day. Then I realised what was going on. Self-sabotage. So what lies behind self-sabotage?

The Upper Limit Problem.

Gay Hendricks coined the term ‘Upper Limit Problem’. He writes ‘each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy’.  When we hit that upper limit, we self-sabotage to bring us back down to a level we are comfortable with.

It sounds crazy, but we are often more comfortable with the status quo than something better.

The upper limit is usually set in early childhood, based on the values and beliefs of our families and communities.

It’s time to shine a light on what’s really beneath it all.

There are five key ways that we undermine our successes in relationships, career, health and life in general.  

They are all based on false beliefs that feel true.

1.     We are fundamentally flawed.

People will find out that we are talentless, annoying, stupid and unlovable. It’s only a matter of time, so let’s not give them a chance.

It’s basically imposter syndrome but throughout any and every aspect of life.

2.     We will be abandoned or disloyal to significant others if our lives go really well.

This is the fear that our loved ones will ultimately reject us if we succeed in areas that they have failed in or that they disapprove of.

This fear is built on family rules and guilt.

3.     More success, bigger burden.

This belief tells us that the more we succeed in our lives, the bigger burden we will become, which links back to fear of rejection and isolation.

A classic area that comes to mind is success in looking after yourself with food intolerances. For those of us who can’t just eat anything and everything, the more we succeed in self-care, the more we can feel like a burden to those around us.

4.     Outshining.

We all know this one pretty well, especially in Australia with Tall Poppy Syndrome. There is a pretty strong cultural norm – don’t shine too bright or no one will like you. You’ll be insufferable!

But more than that, this belief says that by shining bright you will make others look or feel bad. We react to these thoughts by dimming our lights or by stopping ourselves from enjoying our success too much.

5.     Fear of pain and loss. 

I’m adding this one to Hendricks’ list, as in some areas of life the transformation that is beckoning us comes tinged with fear about future emotional pain and loss of identity, status, income and relationships. 

Fear of pain and loss comes out in people frightened of becoming parents, those undertaking a serious spiritual evolution, wanting to change careers or following other passions that push you from your comfort zone.

Hendricks outlines a range of clues that you are self-sabotaging:

·      Worrying;

·      Blame and criticism;

·      Getting sick;

·      Squabbling;

·      Hiding significant feelings;

·      Not keeping agreements; 

·      Deflecting (e.g. ignoring compliments).

So what to do?

First off, calm your body and get out of fight, flight or freeze mode. Take 10 deep belly breaths to clear your head and get your hormones humming a happier tune.

Then be in your body. Feel your feet on the floor, bum on the seat.  Try to notice one thing you can see, touch, taste, feel and smell.

Next, get curious and engage with what’s going on. Often the easiest way to get to the bottom of things is to talk with someone you trust or to write down what’s going on. Think about the different reasons for self-sabotage and see what clicks in your body or resonates with you ‘it feels true’.

Lastly, accept how your subconscious is trying to protect you, be kind to yourself about it (laugh even!) but don’t believe the fear. 

Fear's message is basically, STOP IT!

To paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert - fear will always be in the car with us, but it does not get to choose the radio station or the snacks, it does not get to give directions and most of all, it does NOT get to drive.

So go on, say hi to the fear, love it for it's good intentions and then get back to living the life you want!

If you'd like fantastic one-on-one support in overcoming self-sabotage and living the life you yearn for, drop me a line! lara@setmefree.coach

Add in the comments what your usual form of sabotage is and how you handle it!

I'd love to journey with you. 

Go gently,

Lara xox

P.S. For those of us feeling inspired, it might be time for some old-school tunes  and a sing-along. Take it away Bachelor Girl!

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.