Ahh that's better: Telling yourself what you need to hear

So often in life when we are upset we turn to other people and things to deal with it and get us through.  

Getting support from others is a wonderful thing but they cannot always be there when we need them or find the words we need to really soothe us. 

Late in my pregnancy, I was given some brilliant advice that goes some way to solving this problem:

When the baby cries a lot and you are so weary, when it all feels hard  - talk to your baby. Tell them what you need to hear in a soothing voice (even through the screams).  

"Everything will be fine, not long now, sleep will come easily, you are doing so well, all is well". 

Human bodies are designed to relax when they hear soothing voices.

The words you say to soothe your child are also words to soothe you.

Now my daughter is much older, but this still rings true for me.

When I tell her what we need to hear, it feels like the words are coming from the wisest part of me or from some broader loving universal embrace.

It feels like a warm bath washing over me.

I'm sharing this because you can use this trick anytime YOUR heart or spirit needs soothing.

Whisper to yourself or simply think of exactly what you need to hear.

For me it might be things like 'I know this is hard/frustrating, but you're doing so well and you'll be done soon'.

It's something we all desperately need - to be our own safe haven and greatest ally. When we aren't there for ourselves, things like our phones, food, work or being crazy busy come in to smother or numb the experience.

The simple truth is that we are always there, whereas others are not, and do not and really cannot know exactly what we need to hear to be soothed in our time of stress or sadness.

Only we know exactly what will hit the spot for us and press that healing, soothing button.

It might sound funny, but this can also be applied to good things. Sometimes people may not get why something is so exciting or such a big deal for you - but you do and can have your own celebration. (Incidentally, this also hits the reward centre for your brain, so you get a dopamine hit when you praise yourself - it feels good). 

Lastly, when you know the words you need to hear, then you can help those close to you by telling them what soothes you. I've done this with my husband and it is really great for you both. Expecting people to be telepathic is not the recipe for a happy relationship!

So, try it out for yourself! Next time you are needing some support and loving words, soothe yourself with the words only you know and can share. 

With love,

Lara x

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

It's time to parent yourself better through food: Why failing to plan is planning to fail.

Although I love brainstorming about the future, this doesn't always translate into making concrete plans.

A lack of planning really brings me undone with eating. I'm not talking diets. I'm talking plain ol' eating.

Think getting hangry, eating whatever is closest, eating what makes me feel crappy but is easy, eating out more than I wanted.

Sound familiar?

You know, where you eat so many cheese and crackers or [insert your snack of choice] that you don’t even feel like dinner?!

Self-care through food planning and regular meals

No matter how (dis)interested you are in food or cooking, the fact is that food is our fuel and has a significant affect on how our bodies run.

For me, good food is not only about energy but also about how I feel emotionally.

Our guts have 80% of our serotonin stores and the nerve running from the gut to the brain controls the passage of these precious happy and soothing brain chemicals.

Unhappy tummies and intestines really affect our emotional health.

Eating well and regularly is not just about getting hangry but also the mood/energy swings of blood sugar highs and lows that stress our body (and sometimes our relationships!), our productivity at work, zap our creativity and sabotage our inner peace.

For those of us with tricky diets due to food intolerances and allergies, food takes on another level of complication and eating food that causes pain, discomfort or other unpleasant symptoms can throw off a whole day.

Given all the benefits of eating food that loves us, how many of us care for ourselves by meal planning?

Maybe you are too tired to think of planning, or you’ve tried a little and stopped for some reason. Maybe people in your household have different eating requirements or preferences, which can take cooking to the next level of complication.

There are a handful of reasons not to plan but many more to bite the bullet and dive into planning.

So I propose something radical to be more peaceful, efficient and to nourish yourself with food.

Plan every single meal, each week, in one go.

I know, I know, seems over the top, a pain in the bum, boring and so the list goes on.

Why would I bother, you ask?

• Shopping once, instead of more frequently saves time and money.
• Planning meals means less slip-ups with intolerances/allergies or nourishing eating intentions.
• More mental space for creativity, efficiency, joy and productivity.
• More time in your day and week e.g. time for a walk at lunch beyond going to the local café, no more multiple trips to the supermarket.
• Reduce food waste.
• Feeling better: more relaxed, better blood sugar regulation and smoother emotional wellbeing.

I like using a paper tool such as this weekly planner from Kikki K (on sale). Then I can keep each week and jog my memory about different meals. You’d be surprised how little time it takes to plan your weekly meals.

With all that time and mental space you’ve cleared up, you’ll be surprised and delighted by what joys start to emerge in your life.

So go on, plan one week and see how it feels? 

One less thing to think about three times a day = a lot more energy for what you want to do.

Let's go!

Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.